No work, no home, no other things = uuuuuugggggghhhhhh

I had a really great job, for the most part. Earlier this summer, I was offered a job that related to what I studied in college, paid well, had benefits, and was in a great work environment with nice people to work with. The work was challenging, and I was handling the training very well. Everything was perfect, and things were looking like we were going to be able to move out of the in-laws’ house and be on our own again.

There was just one little thing. Actually, it ended up being a big thing that I hated. I was scheduled to work Saturday through Wednesday 4 p.m to 1 a.m. That meant working the weekends into the wee hours of the night. At first I thought, OK, that’s not exactly what I would prefer, but there was no way to change the schedule. I asked. So, I thought again, It will be fine. I’ll just need to get used to working the swing shift.

After the first shift, something became apparent. “How come I haven’t seen Ben for a while? I don’t like that,” I said. Oh, gee. Ben leaves for work at 6:30 in the morning and comes home at 4:30 in the afternoon. I’m at work by 4, and come home at 2 a.m., to find Ben fast asleep so he can be up early. And when he gets up to leave for work, I’m unconscious, because I just went to bed three hours ago. Whew. Can’t wait for the weekend. Wait, I have to work on the weekend. I’ll see Ben for half the day on Saturday and Sunday, though. That’s good. And when my “weekend” comes on Thursday and Friday, I’ll see Ben for half the day then, also. We will just never have a full day together.

Crap. By the third and fourth shifts, after crossing through the dark alley way in the city to the empty dark parking garage after work, I cried the entire drive home. Good thing there aren’t people on the road at 1:30 in the morning, because I couldn’t see a thing through my blurry eyes.

This was not going to work. So, I quit. Even though Ben only has a temporary job. Even though we would have been able to buy our own house with me working that job. Even though it was a great opportunity for me to work in a related field to what I studied and worked hard for in college. Even though in this economy, I was extremely lucky and blessed to have even been offered a job. Even though we would have felt a lot more comfortable with starting our family with me working that job.

It felt wrong for both of us. I have never felt so stressed out in my whole life. I wasn’t sleeping, and, according to Ben, I wasn’t smiling. It was so hard to quit, but relieving at the same time. It hacks away at me everyday. I had a job, and gave it away. I know it was the right thing to do, but every day I go through the same thought process: “I’m a baby. I’m a wimp. I can’t handle hard things, can I? I’m lazy. I’m a loser. I’m not doing anything to help our situation.” And Ben kindly reassures me every time. But I always relapse.

So now I’m back to the job search. At first I was good, spending hours every day researching, filling out applications, writing cover letters, sending out resumes. But after a couple weeks of that, you start seeing the same things over and over again. And it gets a little old. And I let myself get distracted a lot more, with things like writing ridiculously long blog posts.

Surprisingly, though, it has been very relieving to put all this crap down on paper. (Or the computer screen.)

I’ve just got to force myself to keep plugging along, force myself not to become a total couch potato, force myself to stay positive. Force myself to not be such a wimp. If I can at least do that, I think I’ll be doing some good. Hopefully!

"Utahn's hearing disability no handicap"

Matt Huff, who I went to high school with, is going to compete in the Deaflympics in Taipei, Taiwan, next month as the men's water polo goalie!

I had the opportunity to interview him and write an article that appeared in the Deseret News yesterday. It can also be found online at mormontimes.com.

Good luck Matt!

The Stapley garden

Here it is -- my parents' amazing garden! I love this place. Often, I find myself sitting on the back porch, just staring out at the garden, imagining a stalky cowboy with curly brown hair riding his horse through the cornstalks while singing, "Oh, what a beautiful mornin'! Oh what a beautiful day! I've got a beautiful feelin', everythin's goin' my way!" Sometimes the memories flood of my wedding day, with a pink sunset and colorful daisies everywhere. (We had our reception in my parents' backyard.)

My parents put A LOT of work into thier yard -- my Dad plants the seeds and my Mom makes everything else look beautiful. Ben and I even put in our share of work on the garden this summer by constructing these two bird houses for my Mom.

An important rite of passage: No BYPoo lovers allowed! J/K. This place is kind of like a sanctuary for me. Where "the corn is as high as an elephant's eye," (almost) you can sit back, let the sun warm (or burn the skin off) your face, and listen to the sounds of the wind breezing through the trees and plants. It is very peaceful.

I find it mystifying that such tiny little things like seeds, along with the soil, air and sun, can grow into big, leafy, colorful crops that we can eat! Does anyone remember Bugs Bunny from the Loony Toons? Well, whenever he pulled out a big orange carrot and started cruching away at it, I thought he made it look so delicious! I think it was the cruching sound effects. And when I eat a carrot out of my Dad's garden, I feel like I'm eating one of Bugs Bunny's yummy treats.

Here are the pretty parts that are my Mom's doings. Her daisies are my favorites!

My hope is that, someday, I can create something half as awesome as what my parents have done! I've got a lot to learn, though. My Dad allowed Ben and I to plant some winter squash, cantelope, and watermelon seeds in the back corner of the garden, and guess what! They DID NOT grow! My Dad claims the soil back there is bad, but it worries me some. What's the opposite of a "green thumb?" I'm affraid I may have that.

Now all my parents need is a "pretty little sury with some fringe on the top" and an Aunt Eller to finish it all off.

"I'm a lone lorn creetur'"

"Not only does everythink goes contrairy with me, but that I go contrairy with everybody. Yes, yes, I feel more than other people do, and I show it more. It's my misfortun'"

For some reason, I love Mrs. Gummidge from Charles Dickens' David Copperfield. She drives young David crazy because she's always lamenting (loudly) and going on about how she's a "lone lorn creetur" but she just makes me laugh! She talks about her "troubles" like they are an actual person. Kind of like Mrs. Bennet's "nerves" in Pride and Prejudice. I love crazy nervous emotional wrecks of women in these stories! I think they make me feel quite sane. I probably shouldn't compare myself to fictitious characters, though.

Well, this summer has been kind of nuts! Living with in-laws, looking for employment and housing. It turns out housing has a pre-requisite of employment. But here are some pictures -- but I messed up and posted them in order from most recent to less recent.


After a fun afternoon of swimming in Lindon.



Cranking home-made ice cream with the Wilsons.




Niece and nephew Syd and Kaiser playing in the backyard.





Me with one of my best buddies! I'm not sure why she likes me so much!






The game of the summer: Lasso golf!

4th of July: I got to hold cute baby Wyatt.

Auntie Cindy and my mother at my Grandma Huber's pool for a 4th of July celebration.

Happy girls, Lauren, Natalie, cousin Meranda. I think they're daydreaming of hot red-headed paramedics.

The hidden beauty of Evanston, Wyoming

Look what we found in Wyoming! Who'd a thunk it? A beautiful oak table built around 1929. Last Friday, at about midnight, I was studying to recertify my CPR skills, and Ben was looking on the Internet. He asked, "How do you feel about going to Evanston?"

I, thinking he was talking about a job opening, said, "Let's go."

He immediately said, "It's not for a job."

My heart crushed into a million pieces. Not really. He showed me his latest "discovery" on KSL.com, Ben's love affair. A man was selling his grandmother's dining room table for an outrageously, ridicuously, incomprehensibly low price for what it probably should be worth.

"ROAD TRIP," I said. But to Evanston, Wyoming? Whew. At least I could get a good long nap in. Little did I know what we were in store for.

About 15 miles out of Evanston, 5 of them being dirt road, you suddenly feel like you've left firework-firebeer hickville and have ventured into a quaint hidden mountain valley like in , say, Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland. Abundant green grasses, yellow wildflowers speckled across the meadows, and old rickety bridges that you can't believe your mother-in-law is about to drive the truck across.

Once you're past the scary bridge and you heart beat slows to normal again, you cross yet another lush meadow and come to the friendly Sexton ranch.

The horses seem to nod a welcome greeting to you, and the cat with greenish-brownish eyes (sorry, no picture of the cat) comes and rubs against your leg. Well, that's where we found the table sitting out in the yard (see top picture) with an old wooden swing and original small cabin in the backgroung. It looked so much like a scene you would find in a country western music video that I had to have Ben take our picture with it.

We bought the table, brought it back to good old Taylorsville, where it has been living in the garage.

Which is the same place, I might add, that Ben has been living ever since we got it. He has been busy working to fix up this table and four chairs that came with it. If I want to see him, I have to go out in the garage. In fact, that is where I am currently sitting as I am typing up this post! Is it bad if I feel jealous of a table? Just kidding.

Ode to my lovely sisters

Ha! I have been so excited to share the beauty...

And elegance ...

and absolute joy of my sisters first thing in the morning.

So sweet ... so darling ...

Any man would be lucky to wake up to any of these sirens in the morning!

We were invited over for a Memorial Day breakfast with my family, and the first glorious words to come out of Lauren's mouth (after we were locked out and Natalie and Emily simply stared at us like were roadkill) to greet us were: "You're late."

Oh lovely, nurturing sisters! What would I do without you?

Congratulations, Graduate

Benjamin M. Wilson, Utah State University, Bachelor of Landscape Architecture.

Way to go Ben! It was a crazy rainy day on Saturday with graduation and moving to SLC. But we were so happy to have family come to Ben's graduation at the Dee Glen Smith Spectrum.



Grandma and Grandpa Stapley came from the bottom of the state all the way to the top! It felt like we hadn't seen them in a LONG time so we were so thrilled they came!



Lauren and Jeffy. Poor Jeff became my slave while we were moving. He was just always around when I needed someone to do something, and he was so willing to help that I just kept telling him to do everything! Thanks Jeff!

This picture is about perfect! Dad, Mom, Emily (the one with the deer-in-the-headlights face) and Natalie doing something to her eye.

Well, we are done with Logan. Maybe forever! And that is REALLY weird. All my life I never had one thought about Logan, and then I up and moved there right after getting married. We spent three years there going to school -- the school opposite of my dream school, the U. USU's campus is small, surrounded by cows, and nestled in a small little "bowl" bordered by exquisite mountain ranges that are often shrouded with mist and snow. People there kiss random strangers on an "A" statue, sing songs about sage brush and ride couches with skis attached to the bottoms down the very steep Old Main Hill. The Aggie Ice Cream is like nothing you will ever taste, and even when the temperatures are below 0 and the snow has soaked your pant legs and froze your toes, you will still want the Aggie Ice Cream.

And this is the place where we basically started our marriage. We were on our own, away from our families, and learned a lot. Ben taught me the basics of cooking and a lot of things about common sense. I don't think I have taught him anything besides the fact that some women are very crazy. But, hopefully we've grown!

I can't imagine life without school. Even though I've been done with school for a year, Ben's still been doing it. And I've worked for USU, so school has still very much been there. But, not anymore! I wonder if I'll miss it? I think I already feel a strange void. I will miss those pleasant Sunday afternoons of sitting on a blanket at the top of Old Main Hill with Ben overlooking the lovely Cache Valley. It really adds to the pretty view if you block the image of the traffic-jammed Main Street from your mind. Hopefully, someday, at least one of us can go back to school to pursue higher degrees.

I'm proud of you Ben!

Here is Diane (Ben's mom) and Raegan (our niece who spent the night before graduation with us!)

I just may have a new "dream school," because this is the place that Ben and I really began.