Watch out for those Charmin Bears -- they ain't so charming

I just have to share this with the wonderful blogging world.

The other night, well, more like extreme early morning, I couldn't sleep. (Story of my life lately.) So, I was just lying there listening to Ben's deep breaths, which seemed to taunt me by whispering "Oh, sleep is so good, what a deep sleep I'm in, don't you wish you were snoring away like this?"

Anyways, all of a sudden, Ben's long breaths became very shallow and short gasps. Like he couldn't catch his breath or he was panicking. It scared me very badly at first! "What is wrong with him," I thought. The idea came to my head then that maybe he was dreaming. I decided to wake him up to make sure he was OK.

He woke up easily, which usually is not the case for Ben. (I swear there could be a marching band in the room jumping on the bed and he wouldn't even stir.) I asked him if he had a bad dream, and he mumbled yes. I was very relieved.

"And the weird part was that you were going to the bathroom in a tree," he told me.

"What???" But it was too late, he was fast asleep already.

The next day I couldn't help but ask for more details about this dream. Ben cracked up when I asked him.

Apparently, while I was going to the bathroom in a tree in the mountains, Ben was standing by some bushes when he heard some growling noises coming from the other side of the plants. Suddenly, a big bear (looking exactly like the ones in those Charmin toilet paper commercials on TV) stood up on its hind legs and raised one paw in the air, like it was announcing its presence or something.

The bear then proceeded to get down on all fours again. Ben couldn't see where the bear went until it stuck its big old butt out of the bushes, aiming straight for Ben, lifted up its little cotton-ball tail, and blasted the biggest fart ever in Ben's face.

And that's when I woke him up. Drat, I would have loved to hear more of that dream.

I wonder if Ben may have been experiencing some gastrointestinal problems that night.