A walk down memory lane

Here's the lowdown: it's the second day of my last semester of school, and I don't know what to do with myself. Even though this is my fourth first week of school, I still haven't figured out how to handle this first week. I feel guilty. I keep thinking, "Okay, Maddie, school is back in session. I should be head over heels in homework right now." But I'm not. And even though I do not want to be head over heels in homework, it drives me crazy that I'm not. Because of this fear I've had throughout my entire college career, but has grown 100 times bigger because this is my last semester. I'm so afraid I'm going to bomb a class--flat-out fail. And if I did that this semester, it would ruin everything. I wouldn't be able to graduate. So I should be starting NOW--on all my papers, assignments, readings for the whole semester, right? Just get EVERYTHING done, before my professors even teach me how.

I'm driving myself insane. Hopefully one of these nights I will be able to stop thinking about bombing and calm down enough to get some somewhat sufficient sleep.

One thing that has helped me snap out of it a little was finding this picture of me and Ben. This was our second date, in October of 2005. We went to Ben's extended family's Halloween party. Yep, I met all of Ben's extended family for the first time dressed in my Auntie Chris's dress and my mother's vest from the '70s. You can't really tell in the picture, but Ben's pants were REALLY tight. Mostly in the back. OW-OW!

I changed the blog without permission

Well this is the first time I am writing on our blog. I just got kind of bored at work so I decided to change some of the settings and see if I could figure out more tricks to making the blog look better. I did this without permission and so it may change back shortly.

Ben

These are my gators! Well, some of them anyways. They are the inspiritation for my blog. They are a great team and I love being their head coach. The best part of coaching for me is that I still have swimming in my life. My life just isn't complete without long boring swim meets to sit through! And how awesome to be able to be at a swim meet but not have to worry about swimming? I just get to cheer for, give pep talks to and coach the swimmers! I also get special treatment: people see my coach's credentials and I can go anywhere I want to. People also walk around pushing a cart of treats and food for the coaches! What a life.

But really, the greatest part is connecting with the swimmers. They seem to view me as a special sort of friend because I'm not a parent, teacher, or religious leader. I remember feeling this way about my coaches, and it's pretty cool.

Gosh, if only I would have majored in coaching.

USU vs. UofU

I'm just trying to warm up my writing skills before I attempt to tackle my final article for my beyond the inverted pyramid class. Ugh. It's about exercise affecting academic performance, and I'm kind of stuck. My professor wants me to take a different angle than I had planned to. Oh sheesh. I'm to the point where I don't care if I do what the professor wants as long as I get the assignment done and turned in on time. So by golly, I'm just going to finish this article the way I want to.

I'm ready to move away from the CCV. The Crazy Cache Valley. I've missed the U the whole time I've been here at USU. I've grown to love USU, but it just doesn't feel like the U did. The U really felt like what my idea of a university was supposed to feel like. I have absolutely no spirit or enthusiasm for the this school. I admire and am grateful for my professors and advisor. They have helped so much more than anyone at the U did. I feel like I've grown so much in my major here at USU. But, who is to say I wouldn't have grown this much at the U?

I think it is partly because I grew up cheering for Utah: I went to football and basketball games and wore red all during elementary, middle and high school. My mom graduated from the U, and my dad is one of the biggest U fans I've ever met. Many of my extended family graduated from and even played sports at the U. It was always my dream to go to the U. And I was living that dream to the fullest when I finally did go there and even swam on the U team!! I was so proud walking around in my U swimming attire. Now I wear it and people give me crap, and now I've gotten to the point where I don't just say,"Oh, yeah, I used to go there." I've recently started to retaliate. I've given people my whole life story. "Well, I grew up cheering for the U, I went there for two years, I was on the swim team. But, when I got married, my husband's major was only offered here at USU, so I had no choice but to leave the U and come here. And I'm going to wear my U stuff!" And I make people wish they never would have said anything to me. I'm getting kind of mean and ornery! I feel a little bit bad, but it almost feels better telling them what is up! I don't want to deal with that kind of crap anymore!

But, really, I like Utah State. I just miss the U, and living close to my family. I've gotten to the point where I only talk to my mom once a week, if that. I feel like I'm becoming distanced from people and things I don't want to. It could be worse, I know. It's possible for Ben and me to have to move to New York or somewhere for an internship over the summer! What will I do then?

When it comes down to it, it's really not the school. It's the atmosphere of the CCV that really gets to me. Maybe the poop smell, too. If I get brave enough, I might spill my feelings about some of my cohort here that I cannot handle. Those whom I live amongst, and sit amongst in church.

Welcome to cyber space

Buenos dias! Unfortunately, this is our second attempt at making our first post on this blog. Ben and I created it yesterday, and I typed this magnificient ranting post that took me like 20 minutes and when I went to publish it it got erased somehow! I had a mental breakdown and testified to Ben that I would never blog again. A 24-hour break from the computer has been a good thing for me, though.

So, I have been dying to start a blog, but promised myself I would wait until I graduated to do it so I would do my homework instead of play on the blog. But yesterday Ben talked me into it. He said, "Just do it, Maddie," and I said, without any hesitation, "FINE!!!!" So a day later, here I am.

I have decided to devote this blog exclusively to politics. NOT! Who wants to talk about mules and rhinos all day? I prefer to focus on agricultural people, because I am one! It will be my final mascot. I've been a Ute, a Cougar (NOT a blue one, though), a Wildcat and a Cub. How fun to remember all your mascots. Too bad I wasn't lucky enough to be a Beetdigger or Pioneer, though. You can't have your cake and eat it too, I guess.

Happy first post!